My Mother's Dementia Journey and Our Family's Efforts to Stay Connected

My mother and I were separated by a vast distance—1,200 miles, equating to an 18-hour drive from my residence in Washington State to Phoenix, where she resided in assisted living for five years. Her passing at the age of 83 in late September, following a battle with pneumonia and sepsis, left our family heartbroken.

Her death evoked numerous emotions in me: regret for living so far apart, sadness for the years the disease took from her, and appreciation for the delightful memories we created together.

A Strong Bond Between Generations

The decision for my mother, once a secretary, to relocate from Gettysburg, Pennsylvania, to a place across the country was tough. Yet, comfort came in knowing my elder son, Josh, who’s 33 now, resided just 45 minutes away from her Phoenix facility.

Josh and Grandma shared an inseparable bond. As a single mother, she was a significant part of our lives, babysitting Josh while I juggled school and waitressing.

After remarrying and relocating to Arizona, her visits became annual staples, which is when we affectionately dubbed her 'Grammy Bear.' Her passion for theater drew her to New York's Broadway to witness spectacular performances like 'Phantom of the Opera.'

Challenges of Dementia Arise

Around 2015, concerning changes started surfacing—unexpected donations to service workers, and by 2018, confusion during driving led her northward on the I-95, distressed and puzzled. Her worsening condition necessitated our decision to move her to a safer environment. Relief came when she secured placement at a Phoenix Knights of Columbus facility, conveniently close to Josh.

Family Support and Technology Aid

Josh's unwavering support was a gift. Despite his smoothie franchise travel commitments, he consistently spent time with her, assisting with gadgets or whisking her away on excursions.

From my side, a strict routine emerged—I called her at precisely 4:20 p.m. daily. These calls became the anchor of her afternoons and our connection. Post-call tears were routine, but the emotional burden was eased by my husband's comforting presence. With Scott’s support, managing the weight of responsibilities became bearable.

Being 1,200 miles apart, I often felt a tug to do more despite holding her financial and healthcare power of attorney. However, technology played a vital role. Thanks to a service named Jubilee TV, I monitored Mom's care and connected virtually. Sharing photos rekindled her memories, prompting joyful recognition of family snapshots.

Her Final Lucid Moments

While technology bridged some gaps, it never replaced physical presence. When doctors indicated her time was short, our family rushed to Phoenix. Remarkably, during those final moments, her mind cleared, allowing shared musical momentos of her beloved Motown hits.

Comfort arises from knowing she departed contentedly enveloped in affection. Her enduring love and care remain our cherished legacy.