Striving for Average Motherhood

Once upon a time, I harbored dreams of being the ideal mother. That was before life taught me a thing or two with a quintet of kids.

In a grocery aisle, a woman praises my parenting skills as I allow my 10-year-old the independence to use the self-checkout. Although I graciously accept her words with a smile, internally, my self-assessment aligns more with mediocrity.

It's not unusual for others to call me a wonderful parent. I parent a thriving group of five children, all nurtured and cherished. Outwardly, I seem to be excelling. But seasoned parents understand: daily life isn't always picture-perfect.

From Pure Intent to Practical Reality

It was a challenging journey, involving three years and two IVF treatments, to welcome my first child. Back in 2009, the arrival of motherhood was something I vowed to savor, aspiring to perform flawlessly.

Fast forward through four more kids and 15 years, I reflect on my younger, hopeful self with affection. It’s astonishing how my aspirations have adapted as the realities of parenting unfolded.

Parenting's endless duties can feel as demanding as a never-ending game of mole-bopping, and aiming for perfection is a setup for burnout.

In the pre-child phase brimming with lofty ideals, many of us envision ourselves as the epitome of good parenting. Reality, with its nappies and night feeds, wasn't part of my initial plan.

The Vanishing Ideals List

With children come surprises, like rejecting meals made with love or firing verbal grenades during teen years that crush your earlier visions of patient nurturing.

I remember creating grand intentions during my pregnancy: no swearing, always cherishing moments. Yet, life's chaos often sees these promises slip away.

It became clear that, moms are humans too, subject to emotional and physical strains. Indeed, even well-loved kids can be quite the handful.

Lowering the Parenting Bar

Embarking on parenthood is akin to signing a lifelong agreement without fully understanding the terms. Initial optimism wanes as the years progress, prompting self-evaluation and existential queries about the decision to have kids.

Despite the challenges, surrendering absolute standards has transformed me into a better caregiver. While my efforts aren't stellar, a consistent C+ might better describe my mothering skills.

I’ve discovered the power of firm boundaries over reluctant agreements, and realized it’s perfectly fine for my children to enjoy occasional leniencies, like skipping a dental routine now and again.

By accepting imperfection and granting myself grace to falter and improve, I’ve reduced my stress. Noticeably, this has also allowed my kids to see me as a person foremost, who also happens to be their mom.

The journey of raising children is filled with joy and frustration. It’s chaotic and blissful, unpredictable yet enriching. Perfection in this realm is an illusion.

And in embracing that, I’ve found contentment.