Balancing Work and Caregiving: Finding Strength in Seeking Support

For half a decade, I've been employed at a pharmaceutical firm, most recently in a managerial role. Alongside this, I serve as a part-time caretaker for my mother, constantly ready when needed.

It wasn't until recently that I chose to share my caregiving duties with my employer, fearing it might be viewed as an inability to fulfill my job commitments. Help seemed synonymous with pity, something I didn't want. But I've since seen the benefits of seeking assistance and resources.

My journey as a caregiver began during my high school years.

In 2008, a tragic car accident left my mother seriously injured as she was hit from behind and pushed into oncoming traffic. My grandparents were also involved, but my mother suffered the greatest injuries.

Just two days post-accident, a stroke put her in an induced coma for nearly a month. It resulted in paralysis on her body’s left side, confining her to a wheelchair.

The Unceasing Role of Caregiving

Even when physically absent, caregivers carry a financial or emotional duty, constantly thinking about the person they care for.

Among my siblings, I'm the only one trained to handle daily activities like transferring my mom and bathing her. They handled insurance and finances when I couldn't. Everyone had a part to play, but I took on the direct caregiving.

We have two exceptional care aides who assist us daily. Our expenses include out-of-pocket payments to cover services beyond insurance, such as overnight care and extra bonuses. My siblings and I share these costs, covering the aides, extra hours, and essentials like bed pads.

Living and Studying Away

I aspired to experience independence and left for college, with my father and the help of home care aides managing my mother's care. However, after returning home post-graduation in 2015, my caregiving duties intensified.

After living with them again for several years, I moved out in 2021 but remain close by to aid my parents. My role now involves being present three times a week or stepping in when the home aide isn't available.

In my brother's last months battling pancreatic cancer, I supported him in Connecticut while managing to keep up with my office work twice weekly. I cared for him while still ensuring my mother was looked after from afar.

A New Perspective at Work

In February, during a lunch meeting, a senior colleague opened up about balancing caregiving with work. Seeing someone in their position display such candid vulnerability was transformative for me.

The understanding that being open about one's limits can lead to collective problem-solving was eye-opening. We are capable of being authentic, acknowledging when we're maxed out, and asking for assistance, which was a pivotal realization for me.

I'm gradually coming to terms with my situation, generously extending myself when I can and being at peace when I must step back. My team has been commendably supportive in recognizing these challenges.

Juggling Responsibilities

Balancing my profession, caregiving, and personal life proved difficult.

Previously, I took on overnight duties twice each week until I acknowledged that my father, who doesn’t work, could be the one to stay overnight, so I stepped back where possible.

Now, I prioritize where to expend extra effort. My routine is more balanced, and I no longer push myself to attend every family event or social obligation.

Therapy and engaging in activities like hot yoga have drastically improved my outlook and well-being, offering both exercise and relaxation.

The Emotional Complexities of Caregiving

Being a caregiver is an emotional rollercoaster, filled with both challenging emotions and moments of love and laughter. I share a unique and deep connection with my parents that many of my friends might never experience.

After sharing my experiences on TikTok, I received unexpected support from people who could finally relate, creating bonds I never anticipated.

Even with these challenges, especially when my mom overcame her cancer diagnosis and recovery into remission, the weight of those hard days is managed with the joy that comes alongside it — an indescribable balance I wouldn't want any other way.