5 Common Phrases That May Make You Seem Judgmental—and Alternatives

You've put effort into being understanding and open-minded. However, certain ways of expressing yourself might unintentionally come across as critical.

As a seasoned author, executive coach, and human behavior professor, I'm aware that even seemingly innocent statements can erode the foundation of trust.

When people perceive you as judgmental, they might stop voicing their thoughts around you or hesitate to include you in decision-making processes.

1. 'Why not just…'

You might suggest this when faced with someone else's problem that appears to have a simple fix. For instance, if a colleague stresses about managing emails, you might say, 'Why not just organize them with filters?'

Instead of being supportive, it may sound like, 'It’s so simple, why haven’t you done this already?'.

Take the time to understand before you provide advice. Start by exploring the issue with questions.

2. 'Actually…'

At gatherings, correcting others with 'Actually…' can feel demeaning, even when your intention is simply to clarify facts.

Instead of making it seem like you're undermining others, engage by affirming what was said and adding on to it for constructive interaction.

3. 'To be honest…'

Using this phrase might imply previous statements weren't truthful. It can also make people defensive.

Start by communicating the positive directly or frame your opinion as one of many perspectives available.

4. 'That’s confusing.'

When someone explains something that doesn’t align with your viewpoint, saying, 'That’s confusing,' can imply their logic is flawed.

Instead, reflect on what you do grasp or repeat what you understood to invite further clarity.

5. 'I’m surprised you didn’t know that.'

This phrase suggests that someone’s ignorance is unexpected and inappropriate. It can make them feel embarrassed.

Shift focus to assisting them rather than highlighting their knowledge gap.

While these expressions aren’t inherently judgmental, the way they are delivered matters greatly. Being mindful of both your intent and the potential impact can help nurture a more positive perception.