Uncovering My Mother's Strictness During Our Childhood

Essayed by Esther Ngumbi

In my family, there was an unspoken mantra: my mother's voice urging us to exert ourselves. My mother, Bertha Ngumbi, exemplified boundless hard work. As a child, though, all I wanted was to indulge in playful games like hide and seek.

"You should strive for excellence," my mother would say, aiming to steer us away from poverty. She stressed that education was the best inheritance she could offer. Her words echoed with the belief in our capacity to achieve meaningful lives.

Growing up in the Kenyan countryside, my siblings and I faced a relentless reminder of these expectations. At that age, our cravings were simple and playful, so her stern advice rarely struck home. Every instance spent on leisure rather than study or chores risked her disapproval.

In retrospect, my mother's approach was unwavering. Whenever we neglected our duties, there were consequences. I remember one instance at ten years old, engulfed in tears by the river, fueled by a wish that illness might deter her from reprimanding me.

As time passed, the underlying wisdom of her approach became apparent. It wasn't just her expectations but her actions that showcased perseverance and dedication.

My parents, both educators subsisting on modest salaries, supplemented their income with farm work. Each day would start at dawn with us tending to fields before school. Come evening, responsibilities continued with collecting water and preparing meals together, reinforcing familial ties through shared labor.

My mother's sacrifice was profound. Despite moments where town amenities were a temptation, they were foregone for our educational needs. The vision of my parents, returning hunger-stricken yet determined, impressed a lasting impact on us.

Her sacrifices spurred us to overcome obstacles, striving for our goals. Her unwavering support was instrumental in my academic journey, culminating with a Ph.D. from Auburn University. I was the first girl from Mabafweni in Kwale County to accomplish this.

A Mother's Perspective

The questions from my childhood lingered into adulthood. Recently, I sought answers regarding her resilience and expectations. Did she discern our youthful resentment or understand the height of the standards she set?

"How did you feel during our growing years? Did you realize we were troubled by your demands?" I asked.

Her response was enlightening. "No, I never perceived your frustration," she confessed. Her focus remained on potential and nurturing our capabilities.

She explained the importance of her sacrifices — foregoing social interactions and personal time to prioritize us, fully aware of the mission to elevate our standards.

The path chosen for us was reminiscent of her own mother's struggles. She aspired for nothing less than our best, driven by unwavering determination for our success.

The Legacy of Hard Work

Shaping her children's future came with challenges. The hardest part for her was ensuring we understood her motives originated from a desire for our success. In her eyes, this journey and its teachings were worthwhile.