The Challenge of Navigating Mother's Day When You're Grieving

In a single moment during the spring of 2021, my world was irreversibly altered. A text from my mother's fiancé simply said, "She's gone."

My mom was the foundation of my existence, the person I turned to each day regardless of whether she answered the phone. Suddenly, on a beautiful May Sunday, she was unexpectedly taken from us.

For the following year, familiar holidays turned into reminders of her absence, though they had never seemed very significant before. The entirety of Thanksgiving weekend met me in bed, unable to rise since she wasn't there to ask if I was visiting. Christmas bore no distinction from any other day, though my sister and I attempted to uphold festive rituals for my nephew.

As April approached, Mother's Day slipped my mind until its proximity and the stark memory of her passing exactly a year prior brought it back.

Overwhelmed by Mother's Day Reminders

By mid-April, entering stores became untenable. Each location was emblazoned with pinks and yellows, all urging recognition of the mothers in our lives. My email inbox overflowed with Mother's Day promotions—suggestions for gifts, floral purchases, and extravagant meals to prepare in her honor. It turned into an unexpected challenge to navigate at my age.

Amidst this deluge of reminders, one solitary email offered a beacon: an opt-out from Mother's Day promotions—courtesy of Etsy. I lingered over it, feeling an indescribable surge of relief once I decided to click that link which read, 'If this day is difficult, opt out here.'

Growing Awareness Among Companies

By the next year, I felt more equipped to face the oncoming Mother's Day. I embraced drive-up services, circumvented specific store sections, and let unopened emails remain unattended. I was thankful for Etsy's consistent opt-out email and disheartened by the lack of similar options from other companies, who seemingly hadn't grasped the day's difficulty for many.

Mother's Day isn't only challenging for those grieving their mothers. It's also painful for individuals with conflicted relationships, or who are estranged. Others have endured abandonment or are watching a beloved mother figure suffer or nearing the end. Women struggling to become mothers or who have suffered the loss of a child face unique difficulties as well. Allowing opt-outs isn't just compassionate for brands; it's practically wise.

Fortuitously, this year I've observed more businesses providing opt-out options. Etsy maintained its lead early in April, followed by Book of the Month, publisher Hachette, apparel brand Lunya, and mailings from Apartment Therapy, The Strategist, and OpenTable acknowledging the needs and sensitivities of their recipients.