Alone Abroad for Seven Years: Embracing the Joys of Singlehood

It was an oppressively hot day on the Ecuadorian coastline. The dusty roads lined with bougainvillea were a sunbathing spot for iguanas, and a vendor selling fruits and vegetables rode by. My beach visit plan was sidetracked as I stopped for some water and a chilled beer.

In Spanish, the shopkeeper wished me well, reminding me to enjoy my beer, the sunny day, and to savor life and health because, she said, time flies.

Her words resonated as I made my way to the ocean, capturing the essence of my five-week coastal retreat and my decision to relocate to South America solo.

Discovering South America

At 33, having been in Ecuador for over six years following a half-year stint in Colombia, my intrinsic curiosity about South America had led me here. I've stayed for the comfortable climate, the rich cultural tapestry, and the varied landscape.

This year, I pondered what the greatest benefit is to being single and childless in my mid-30s. Clearly, it was the liberty to explore, to cherish my time, and pursue creativity. Hence, I chose to spend time on Ecuador’s coast to write, read, and bask in the sun. If life were to shift, at least I wouldn’t regret missing this freedom.

Rethinking Relationships

Originally, being single wasn't my intention. For years, I judged my solo status as a lack of success. Growing up with fairy tales and later rom-coms, where love stories unfolded precisely.

Upon moving to Ecuador in 2018, I was utterly captivated. The nation offered seemingly endless green valleys, volcanoes touching the sky, along with simpler joys like avocado trees and tiny hummingbirds.

Embracing life’s unpredictability became second nature, involving unpredictable dating encounters in my 30s, which have been both exhilarating and bewildering.

Socially inclined, I embarked on numerous dates. These included a soccer player who doubled as a chef teaching culinary tricks from his travels, another date whisked me away to high-end bars in Quito, and one gentleman never skimped on desserts.

Motorcycle adventures, dances, and meals at hidden local jewels became part of my norm.

Navigating the Single Life

Yet, when a date’s promise fizzled or a prolonged relationship concluded, disappointment shadowed me.

With friends back home settling into marriages or committed relationships, I imagined I would follow suit. Instead, I found myself swiping through dating apps, managing cultural nuances, avoiding pitfalls, and trying to remain receptive. Some outings were delightful, others made me inwardly groan in disbelief.

Cultural stereotypes often frown upon single women, and I sometimes echoed these negative narratives internally, inadvertently bowing to societal expectations that didn’t fit me.

Finding Value in Solitude

Over time, I have shifted my perspective. The perks of singlehood deserved recognition. My voyages were a significant part of this life, from impromptu getaways to Panama's pristine San Blas islands, solitary retreats before Christmas at a mountain haven, to the recent coastal venture.

With resources and time permitting, I travel, without needing to account for someone else’s likes or timelines, just my own.

Relaxing for hours in a hammock on the coast, I mused, “This experience was a good call.” Simple pleasures included mornings with coffee in remote locations, afternoons diving in the sea, and the autonomy of forging an unpredictable life in Ecuador.

Emerging Self-Reliance

What’s more, I’ve developed self-reliance, not just in coping with expatriate life but in the daily tasks I independently handle.

Being on my own honed my communication skills, boosting my Spanish fluency, possibly more than if I had a partner.

Trips—like the sun-soaked coastal one—led to meaningful interactions with locals, unlikely had I coupled up. Singleness, therefore, is an opportunity rather than a setback.

Dictating My Path

The realization dawns: I’m single at 33 by choice. My university education—a privilege as the first in my family—affords me independence.

With no desire for children, I carve a life on my own terms. Entering a relationship would be entirely voluntary, not an obligation—a privilege many women still lack.

Time spent at the beach was effortlessly pleasant. I joined a birthday celebration, danced late, wandered along the seaside, and savored a swim. One warm evening brought culinary revelations from Buenos Aires friends who crafted delectable pizzas and empanadas.

The shopkeeper’s wisdom on that dusty street rings true. If indeed our time is finite, it should not be wasted on what-ifs.

I eagerly await forthcoming adventures. Sharing them would be a bonus—but flying solo suits me just fine.