Eager to Offer Advice, But Learning to Wait

I'm often approached for guidance, particularly in the realm of parenting—a role I've held for many years as a mother of five. Many seek my insights, from friends to new parents, curious about how to navigate challenges like toilet training and discussing sensitive topics.

Though I’m usually enthusiastic about sharing my experiences, I’ve learned an important lesson when it comes to my own children: I don't give counsel unless they explicitly request it.

Children's Preference for Independence

It's not that my guidance lacks value; on the contrary, I’m considered quite prudent and carefully tailor my advice to suit the situation. The issue was realizing that I sometimes offer suggestions before being asked, a habit that doesn't sit well with my children.

This became conspicuously clear when my sons returned home from college for their first Christmas break. They had been living independently for three months, and their perspectives were evolving.

Recognizing Their Growth

During our holiday get-together, as we decorated the tree with ornaments from their youth and shared our customary meals, I noticed how much they had changed. They were eager to share newfound insights rather than indulge in nostalgia.

My sons had developed distinct voices and were embracing their individuality, each having gained a fresh outlook on life. Their discoveries held more value for them than anything I could impart.

Anticipating Their Independence

Witnessing them become self-sufficient was, in fact, a fulfillment of my parenting philosophy: to nurture dependency into independence. Reflecting on my own college experience, I recall passionately arguing my newfound philosophies to my mother, a zeal undeterred by her opinions.

When They Do Seek Guidance

Cherished are the occasions when my children actually seek my advice. Typically, these moments revolve around health issues, career decisions, or financial advice, such as negotiating salaries or managing student loans.

Matters of the heart aren’t as frequent, though I remember when one son sought advice on love. In one instance, I advised against pursuing an unfruitful infatuation.

The Two-Way Street of Advice

Ironically, my son who is now a father seldom questions me about parenting strategies. He's successfully leveraging modern resources like social media for guidance, tools that were unavailable to me.

Yet, our exchange of advice hasn't diminished. Currently, our roles are reversed; I find myself asking them what books to read, which series to stream, and I seek their knowledge on investments, car purchases, and fitness regimes.

Their insights are shaping my decisions, embodying a reciprocal learning experience that enriches us all and positions us to assist others when needed.