Caring for My Mother with Alzheimer's: A Journey with My Son

Throughout my life, my mother, Marvia, has been my closest confidante, known for her wisdom, warmth, and loving nature.

We shared an incredibly close bond, living just steps away from her home, as my young son Braxton and I resided in a nearby apartment. Our homes were like open doors to each other, and she was always ready to babysit when needed.

As a single mother, I found immense comfort in her constant support and the mutual affection exchanged between her and my son.

Observing Early Signs of Change

Once a dedicated softball coach, my mom always prioritized her well-being. However, around three years back, subtle yet concerning changes began to surface. Forgetfulness and unusual irritability became more frequent.

She would sometimes urge me to bring Braxton over, and upon our arrival, seem surprised by our presence.

Dining out with her turned unpredictable, with sudden outbursts at restaurant staff followed by inexplicable tears—behaviors completely out of her character.

As these instances grew, my concern for her safety heightened, especially when I detected gas in her home due to an unattended stove. Despite her insistence that nothing was amiss, I managed to get her to see a neurologist. By December 2023, she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's—with episodes of agitation.

Choosing to Move in Together

Though she initially resisted accepting the diagnosis, it validated my worries. Having watched my mother care for her own mother through Alzheimer's, I knew the path ahead.

Just a few weeks post-diagnosis, I decided to move in with her, leaving behind our apartment, to provide the care she needed. Living together was now the logical step.

For Braxton, it was a joy to be around his adored grandmother, although he noticed her repetitive statements and unexpected anger, which was once foreign to her behavior.

His innocent query, 'Why is Nana upset with me?' prompted deep discussions about the nature of Alzheimer's and the associated agitation, making him proud to contribute to her care.

Braxton's Compassionate Redirection

In moments of frustration with mom's repetitive comments, I'd sometimes blurt, 'You just said that a moment ago,' but Braxton showed patience by gently redirecting her, offering grace and understanding.

A major challenge was her wandering tendency. Sometimes, I'd come home only to find her missing, her cellphone echoing unanswered from within the house.

On more than one occasion, she'd drive aimlessly with no sense of direction. Implementing a phone tracker and utilizing a Ring camera system became crucial tools for ensuring her safety.

Community and Support Systems

Relying on our community has been invaluable. Neighbors keep an eye out and notify me if they spot her meandering. The support from the organization Alzheimer's Agitation connects me with others facing similar challenges, reinforcing the feeling that we're not alone.

Despite the challenges of balancing caregiving, single parenting, and my job, periodic assistance from care services and occasional family leave help manage the load.

Feelings of guilt sometimes arise, recalling how my mother handled the strenuous demands of caregiving without complaint. Yet, I strive to provide the love and care she deserves on her journey.