As a Wealth Counselor and End-of-Life Guide, Here Are Six Strategies I Use to Assist Clients with Challenging Inheritance Discussions

In my role as a financial counselor, I regularly find clients experiencing two primary feelings post-consultation. They either feel relieved, often remarking it was therapeutic, or they fret having divulged excessively.

Discussing finances is inherently challenging, and this is equally true of conversations about mortality. This complexity makes it understandable why inheritance planning can be so stressful for families.

This complexity is what drove me to acquire certification in financial therapy, complementing my expertise as a wealth advisor.

Later, I ventured into becoming an end-of-life doula, offering comfort to individuals and their families at life's close. This seamlessly connected with my previous engagements primarily with Baby Boomers and Gen X on matters of wealth and their legacy.

Emotions inevitably entwine with financial discussions. Therefore, I employ a respectful, individual-focused method when discussing asset transfer with clients. Here's my approach.

1. Acknowledge You're Leaving More Than Money

Family leaders bequeath much more than financial statements; they pass down the gathered wisdom of the clan. This is a key reason families often scatter following the passing of a matriarch or patriarch.

It’s vital to address this directly and reflect on your legacy in a comprehensive way. Consider embarking on a life story initiative or establishing an ethical testament.

These activities record the narratives, blessings, and aspirations for forthcoming generations.

2. Define a Purpose for Your Finances

What personal objective are you striving to meet with your finances? This could be addressing a family issue or fostering the well-being of your loved ones.

Once you establish a clear goal for your funds, communicate it with family and revisit it periodically. This purpose serves as a cornerstone for structuring your estate.

3. Initiate Discussions Early

There was a situation I encountered where the parents disclosed to their adult son, in his sixties, about a trust fund put in place for him.

Their anticipation of his joy was met with disappointment as he expressed regret over missing his children's events due to withheld knowledge.

This incident highlights why it’s crucial to engage in discussions on wealth transitions sooner rather than later. Difficulties arise, particularly in families where monetary matters are not typically discussed openly.

Approach the topic gently, signaling your intent rooted in care and connection. If the response is not immediate, revisit the conversation at a later time.

4. Assess Your Desire to Control

It's common to encounter individuals attempting to govern their finances (and their family) post-mortem.

Examining this control impulse can be enlightening; often linked to fears. Alternatively, control can be a means for elderly individuals to maintain their relevance among loved ones.

I assisted a grandmother who insisted on authorizing every disbursement from a family trust personally.

Upon deeper conversation, it was evident those rare calls were her only direct communication with her grandchildren. The family overcame the awkwardness by fostering interaction indifferent to financial ties.

5. Implement Your Plans

Talking about financial matters is necessary, yet taking action is equally crucial. If you haven’t established an estate plan, it is imperative to create one.

Revisions are possible as circumstances change. After planning discussions, set a specific timeframe of a month or so to complete the upcoming step. Otherwise, progress may stall amidst these challenging procedures.

6. Focus on Relationship Building

When the topic of inheritance dominates the conversation, identify it clearly. Then shift focus to reinforce genuine family bonds.

Simply voicing a desire to prioritize family rapports over finances can cause others to ease, breathe, and say, "That's all we want."