A Mother and Professor's Take on Perfectionism in Students and Parenting

As a seasoned educator at the University of Michigan, I've spent many years guiding college students in developing their writing skills. Over time, a pattern emerged among my students—a pervasive tendency towards perfectionism, which often stifles their creative and independent thinking.

Witnessing Perfectionism in Academic Life

Teaching for over ten years has allowed me to witness how students, from aspiring doctors to budding writers, navigate the pressures of academia. Many come from backgrounds similar to the community where I'm bringing up my child—Ann Arbor. Watching their struggles has made me reflect on how I raise my daughter and whether I should adjust my approach to nurture her individuality and self-awareness.

Challenges in Cultivating Original Thought

High school education often trains students to adhere to rigid writing formulas that promise good grades. However, in my classroom, I urge them to break free from these templates and embrace original thinking. This shift challenges many, as they fear failing or not meeting expectations without the safety of a structured guide.

The anxiety around deadlines often translates into a flood of questions about what I expect from their writing. Their hesitance to express personal ideas is palpable, with some even sending lists of topics for me to approve in advance. A recent writing exercise on ambition and perfection left students unsure if they should include titles or placing their names at the top. The exercise intended to let them explore their thoughts independently, but they struggled with self-expression.

Unraveling the Roots of Perfectionism

Research highlights a marked increase in perfectionism among today's youth compared to previous generations, often linked to academic success. Such patterns likely originate in childhood, where well-meaning but controlling parents may impede children’s ability to make autonomous choices. Despite good intentions, even 'gentle' parents can become overly protective, inadvertently giving rise to an industry focused on perfecting children.

Embracing Imperfection in Parenting

I've made it a point to demonstrate to my daughter that life includes missteps and imperfections. Revising my approach to parenting, I intentionally let go of self-assigned benchmarks and allow myself more freedom in scheduling. By openly sharing my journey—complete with the inevitable mistakes—I hope to teach her the value of imperfection and personal growth.

In revealing our true, imperfect selves to our children, we equip them with the confidence to explore their capabilities without the shackles of perfectionism. I hope this approach helps my daughter develop a strong sense of identity, unburdened by the relentless pursuit of flawlessness.