Are We Facing a Rise in Rudeness?

The persistent question that every era struggles with: Are today's youth becoming increasingly audacious and unapologetic in their behavior?

According to Lizzie Post, a descendant of etiquette expert Emily Post, stories of generational concerns over declining manners have been handed down through five generations. Many look back wistfully, convinced that people were once more courteous.

Perceptions of Modern Rudeness

Contemporary society seems to concur that incivility is on the rise. A recent Pew Research Center poll reveals that nearly half of Americans feel that people are generally less polite than before the pandemic. Public spaces often host phone conversations on speaker, disruptive behavior aboard planes, or students exiting classes abruptly, sparking online debates.

Uncontrolled discourtesy has significant repercussions. Observing or experiencing rudeness can negatively affect one's mood and cognitive abilities. Being mistreated can make people defensive and averse to cooperation. Rudeness is infectious, as encountering impolite behavior makes one more likely to identify other rude actions and respond in kind.

Lizzie Post muses, 'Are we really ruder now? I’m uncertain, but it's clear we notice each other less, and the awareness of our influence on others is diminished.'

Although it's hard to pinpoint whether manners have worsened over time, Post suggests that today's distraction-filled environment contributes to less respectful interactions. This inattentiveness extends even to those we are closest to, let alone strangers in public when we listen to videos without headphones.

Why Are We Seeing More Rudeness?

Underlying the alleged surge in rudeness might be broader issues. Christine Porath, a UNC Kenan-Flagler Business School professor, found in a 2022 survey that 73% of respondents considered customer misbehavior common, rising from 61% in 2012. She attributes this to stress and overwhelming circumstances, emphasizing the impact of COVID-19 and other stressors.

Defining Rudeness

What constitutes rudeness varies widely. Some view leaving class without notice as minor while others deem it a social transgression. Personal experience and preferences influence what one considers rude.

Jennifer Loh, a professor at the University of Canberra, defines rudeness as any action, behavior, or comment that sends a disrespectful message, breaking societal norms. Perceived rudeness often reflects unmet expectations of treatment.

Rude actions can be either overt or subtle, suggests Amy Irwin of the University of Aberdeen. For instance, criticizing a friend during a performance is overt. Conversely, checking a phone while someone is speaking to you exemplifies a passive form of incivility. Sometimes, perceived rudeness is ambiguous—did a colleague ignore you intentionally or simply not notice you?

Understanding and Contextualizing Rude Behavior

Lizzie Post provides insight into commonly debated etiquette violations.

The concept of appropriate behavior varies. People shape their understanding of what is acceptable from their environment—family, friends, and the larger culture. A person might see watching TV while eating as normal, while their partner could perceive it as disrespectful.

Generational clashes often frame conversations about rudeness. For instance, technology-integrated youths might find browsing social media in company normal, while older generations may find it impolite.

Survey results reveal that younger generations in Australia tend to respond swiftly to texts as a gesture of politeness, while older individuals do not prioritize immediate replies.

Contextual factors and proximity to offenders also determine perceived rudeness. Shouting in a bar might be excused, but not at a formal event. Additionally, close personal connections often excuse behavior that would otherwise be deemed inappropriate.

Cultural norms vary across societies; eating on the go might be overlooked in the US, contrasting with expectations in Japan.

Steps Toward Curtailing Rudeness

In the face of pervasive impropriety, Post emphasizes the importance of consciously modeling courteous behavior for both peers and children. It is crucial to articulate why courtesy forms the basis for mutual respect.

According to Porath, leaders across various domains should establish clear behavioral expectations and enforce accountability.

An examination of one's conduct is essential. Do you use your phone at the dinner table? Disrupt meetings? Leave shopping carts carelessly? Reflecting on such interactions, especially when you've been curt or dismissive, encourages a more considerate approach.

Acknowledging positive behavior is equally significant. Simple acts like holding doors or sneezing into your elbow are not as rare as assumed, asserts Post. Finding and emulating these actions can spread positivity.